Fed up. Royally fed up.
I don't know how else to put it. I'm nervous and feel awful but just need to keep plodding along. The only thing sparking any kind of interest is the thought of buying myself things. General crap like hoodies and cosy jumpers. It gives me a glimmer of satisfaction and pleasure when feeling blue. Probably simply a waste of time. The thrill of the buy and then the wait and finally the wear.. never quite as satisfying as we want it to be. More crap, more stuff. More baggage to make me feel better. And despite knowing this I want to ignore it. I want a treat. I want to spend my money on goodies for myself to make me feel special or good or like I am more capable. Pathetic maybe? But everyone does it in their own way. And what really is the harm? Providing it doesn't eat into my wages too much.. I guess I just feel wasteful and selfish. Shallow too. But I don't really trust my feelings right now in this moody state. I just want a boost.
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