Entry 6

When you lose someone every one reacts differently. It has taken me some time to get my mind around the idea that their body is gone. For me, that was the first step. To come to terms with the fact that you will never have a hug from them, breath in their familiar smell and see their face light up with each different emotion. I always remembered my Grandma smiling, the smile would always reach her eyes and it gave you a comfort that you were somewhere you could simply be yourself and be loved. I also remember her frown when scalding poor Lizzy her little westie. Lizzy was the sweetest creature ever, timid and obedient - unlike a typical westie. And she will forever be engrained in my mind as my Grandma's walking companion and devoted guardian. I even still envision them walking around the same streets together.

Now comes the stage where I am having to accept that she is now around me in spirit form. Many people have different interpretations or ideas of what that means. To me, it is the memory, the spark and essence of her that is now passed on to her loved ones. She is around me, she isn't in a grave or a predetermined place. She is the very movements I make, there at each and every one of my choices, the comforting boost in the pit of my stomach. She is a crystal clear window that allows me to look over our times together, the clarity of each wonderful moment which affects all my senses. She is the love that holds the family together, she is the one who always helped me fix things and helped me to understand the hard times I was going through as a young teenager. She always believed I was more than what I ever thought I was, and now - how can I ever let her down?

Entry 5

I'll never be "one of those girls."
The ones who show up to lunch with perfectly co-ordinated outfits and a sleek appearance. The ones who look gorgeous and glow.  I often want to tell them that they look awesome.
I will probably have mud on my jeans somewhere or a rip in my leggings, and often sport a weird baggy t shirt. My hair isn't shiny and coloured in a cool way, and I almost always look tired. Sure I can make an effort and love to but it will never be as prim or polished -  and I often have scuffed shoes and dangling threads! But I like me this way, as anything else wouldn't be me. Even if the burning monster of envy occasionally comes into play. I honestly don't think I could be different even if I tried. Hello, I am Rose Jekyll <3